If I'm Being Honest...

I always value honesty. I think that it's important to be honest with others and even yourself. Sitting here, writing this post, I'm struggling with how I want to write this because I want to shine a light on how I think honesty is something we need to have.

I've always been the girl to put on a brave face and just roll with the punches. When it comes to social media, it's hard not to put on that front where everything is perfectly fine and my life is completely wonderful. Because if I'm being honest, my life is a flipping mess. Everything seems to either hit me all at once or it comes one after the other. If you were to go onto any of my social media accounts, you will hardly find anything to be sad because I seemed to grow up in a time where you hide how you truly feel and just fake it till you make it.

I never expected to be where I am today. I never thought I would be a graduate of Texas Tech University and have my degree in English. There were some days where I thought it would be better for me to just drop out of college and go back home and live with my family. Some days I would be so done with everything that I wanted to just pack everything up and just leave for somewhere new. My life would sometimes feel so out of balance that I didn't think things would every get better.

When I first came to Lubbock, I never imagined I would have the job that I do at FedEx. My first job in this new town was a waitress at Applebee's. I had always told myself that I would never work in the service industry, but I had to bite my lip and do the work to provide for myself and pay for my tuition. The service industry taught me many lessons, but it also showed me that I had more in me than waiting on others for the rest of my life.

* For the record, this isn't me hating on people who work in the service industry. I have the upmost respect for those who do it on a daily because that is how you provide for yourself and your family. I commend you! *

When it comes to relationships, I've never really been the girl who could hold them or pick the best guy for me. Looking back at all my prior relationships, I've picked my fair share of assholes. If I'm being honest, I've always been scared to be on my own so I've looked for comfort in the arms of another.

So why do I feel this way? What made me feel like this was important to me?

Honestly, I think it is because I wanted the love that I saw growing up watching a huge majority of romantic movies. Where girl meets boy, girl falls head over heels for boy, they go through something tragic, then end up happily ever after. I always wanted a love story like that, but fantasies hardly every turn out like we want them. So I would pretty much become boy crazy and jump from one relationship to another searching for that one thing that I've been craving, but if things would become hard I would leave.

Now that I'm a little older than pre-college and adult life me, I've realized that fantasy will never happen but if I'm being honest with you, I'm okay with that. My current relationship that I'm in, of 4 years, is far from perfect. We fight, we get annoyed with each other, we stress about our lives ahead of us but at the end of the day we continue to tell each other that we love one another. That we are happy to have each other in our lives. That our lives will get better and our futures will turn out for the best. My relationship isn't the story book definition of a love story but it's a story that I'm writing day by day with each and every bump in the road.

As they say, honesty is the best policy, but sometimes being honest with others and even yourself can be hard.

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